‘One Big Family’ Often Leaves People Out
I’ve heard it said of many businesses and organizations, of many sizes, across many sectors (though it seems the nonprofit world may be especially prone to the sentiment): “Where we work, we are like one big family.”
Often it’s the company or organization leadership saying this, and usually with the best of intentions. By calling your workplace “One big family” – you’re likely trying to say something about your work culture or ethos. The message that leaders who say this generally seem to be attempting to communicate is ‘this is a workplace that cares,’ or ‘we all work in harmony together.’
But no matter how good the intentions behind a message may be – it’s important to consider exactly what message behind these words is truly being conveyed to the workplace.
There are some interesting pieces recently written that caution how the seemingly innocuous words “We are one big family here” can be sending a very different message about workplace culture. [I’ll share some links to these articles at the bottom of the page.]
Where do your loyalties lie?
For example, one of the characteristics commonly used when speaking of families is loyalty. Family members are often expected to be loyal to one another, and not to air dirty laundry in public, as the old saying goes. So if or when your workplace is constantly being described as a family – what message are you sending to your team members about loyalty and grievances? If there is a problem in the workplace, is leadership going to be open to even hear about it? Or is there an underlying message of ‘just deal with it’ or ‘don’t rock the boat’ being conveyed to your team?
Blurring the lines
And what message are you communicating to team members about being able to prioritize their actual family? Professionals have been struggling arguably more than ever these past couple of years trying to maintain a work-life balance that allows for a healthy separation between time spent working and time spent prioritizing family. Hearing a message over and over again that blurs the line between work and family makes that precarious balancing act that much more difficult.
Negative Associations
Finally, not everyone has a good relationship with their family. For some, the metaphor of ‘family’ brings up feelings or memories of being ostracized, bullied, or abused. To then be told that their work environment is a ‘family’ can at best be mildly annoying, and at worst convey expectations of having to accept a dysfunctional relationship or even continued abuse.
Consider this message instead
In an article published in 2021 in the Harvard Business Review, leadership development trainer Joshua A. Luna gives this advice. Instead of calling your workplace a ‘family,’ Luna writes:
“Focus on putting in place actions and structures that bring value to and support your employees. […] Shift from focusing on a family-culture centered “We’re all in this together” to “We share the same purpose.”
Using this purpose-focused messaging, you might consider switching your language to the metaphor of a sports team, or a tribe.
Better yet, you can employ some of these strategies described by Luna:
Set clear boundaries. Let your employees know what is expected of them to succeed at work and that there is a clear line between work and their personal lives.
Mutually accept the temporary and professional nature of this relationship. If an employee has decided to leave, don’t take offense about them not wanting to work at your company any longer. Acknowledge their contribution and help them exit respectfully.
Or, as Kiran Rai puts it, the solution is not for “leaders to say how much they care for their teams with words but to show them with actions.”
Links:
Luna, Joshua A. “The Toxic Effects of Branding Your Workplace a “Family.”” Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2021/10/the-toxic-effects-of-branding-your-workplace-a-family
Pinkser, Joe. “The Dark Side of Saying Work Is ‘Like a Family’” The Atlantic.
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/02/work-actually-is-like-a-family/622813/
Rai, Kiran. “Why having a ‘work family’ is actually hustle culture at its worst. ” Fast Company. https://www.fastcompany.com/90660845/why-having-a-work-family-is-actually-hustle-culture-at-its-worst
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